I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
