i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
