Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
