now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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