wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
