Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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