good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
