You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
