As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
