Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
