This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
