we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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