I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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