My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
