She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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