We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just cropdusted the office
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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