She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
