If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
