I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
