I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
