i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's great music for shaving your balls
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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