I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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