if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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