Sry I called you an 8
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
