I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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