If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
