ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
