So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize