I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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