i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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