The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
