Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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