Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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