Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
