If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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