I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize