why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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