He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize