Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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