You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
