you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
