You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
