Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
