69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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