I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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