I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
