I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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