I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
