Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
