had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
