Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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