well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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