JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
