Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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