he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
