Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
