I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
