drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
