You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
