i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
