I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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