He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
