I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
