i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
