A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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