ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
