We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
