im having a threesome with these popsicles
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
