I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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