the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
