I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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