this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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