So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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