Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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