sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
