Sponge bath it is.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
